Jokes, bit of lol an hehehe an haha

Some jokes?? Keep them nice tho, don't want ya to get in trouble please not if you are younger some things might not be to apropriate but we will try to keep it clean...

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink? " The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening? " The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale. " The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale. " The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane? " the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000! " "Don't worry about it. " the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist. "

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk. "Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead. "Man: "What covers a house? "Dog: "Roof! "Man: "How does sandpaper feel? "Dog: "Rough! "Man: "Who was the greatest ball player of all time? "Dog: "Ruth! "Man: "Pay up. I told you he could talk. "The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, "or is the greatest player Mantle? "

A new lieutenant in the French Foreign Legion arrives at an isolated base in Algeria. As a corporal shows him quarters, he asks the corporal, "The base is rather isolated, what do the men do for female companionship? "The corporal replies, "On Fridays, they let us use the camels. "The lieutenant is disgusted, but says nothing. After a few weeks, however, the new officer is very lonely. He decides that if everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't he. The next friday, the young lieutenant slinks over to the camel pens and, after looking around, drops his pants and starts humping a female camel. The camel is not amused and makes a huge uproar. The same corporal comes in to investigate. "Lieutenant! What are you doing. "Come on man," replied the embarrassed officer, "You yourself told me we could use the camels on Fridays. "Yes sir," replied the corporal. "But most of us just ride them into town. "

The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey--Nice bike! Where did you get it? " "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'you can have ANYTHING you want!'" "Good choice," says the first guy, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Post some jokes, these are sortof my fav, haha

Funny lol

What did the ocean say to the boat?
Nothing, it just waves!

An elderly couple walk into a doctor's office. The man tells the doctor, "Doctor, we want to have a baby. " The doctor replies,"At your age I don't think it's possible, but I'll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample. " So the couple comes back a few days later. They give the doctor an empty jar. The doctor says,"I was afraid of this. " The old man says,"No, it's not what you think. I tried it with my left hand. I tried it with my right hand. She tried it with her left hand. She tried it with her right hand. She tried it with her teeth in. She tried it with her teeth out........


But we couldn't get the lid off the jar. "

a boy writes a letter to hisdad from his boarding school

dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.

His fathers reply


Dear Son, I k NOw that astro NOmy, eco NOmics, and ocea NOgraphy are e NOugh to keep even an ho NOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of k NOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study e NOugh. Love, Dad