Haypi Prologue #2 revised (Technically #3)

Once, very long ago, there was an adventurer. The best of his time! He had no fear, and traveled all around the land of Haypi. But most of his adventures were on the sea! He had tons of submarines, trading ships, and most importantly, 8 relics. There wasn't anything like these relics all throughout the beautiful land of Haypi. But as time progressed, the man aged. This adventurer was growing to old for his epic adventures into the dark seabed of the harsh Haypi waters. Hundreds of years later, in the ruins of the Haypi Castle, a diary was found. It also had an unread letter bathed in dust. It read this : On his death bed, he held my hand. He told me that everything anyone needed to know was in his will. Being a stressed woman, I read the will as he lay dying slowly. It read this

Dear love,
I have thrown all the sacred 8 relics into eight different parts of the sea. I have left all the trading boats and submarines for all the lands people. My wish is that someone can find all these 8 relics, as they held a secret. Once they have found the 8 relics, there is a place to go to for the relics to work and unlock riches beyond anyone's wildest dreams. Dear love, please give this message to the King, as he will send it to all of the land. "Become the next hero" is my goal for that certain lucky person. Don't hesitate to act. Best wishes, your Hero.

They searched the land and found an enormous cave filled with his ships and submarines. They followed the Hero's request, as the letter and the King told them to do so. The adventure had finally started.

Now all there is to do is wait. Who will be the next hero of Haypi? No one knows. Travel with the ships provided and win the riches. It's an exciting race, and many people have already started. Now go, do the Hero's favor. As I bid you farewell, I will say only one more thing : Press start to play.

Really good job on the revision. The only thing i would change is this...

Once, very long ago, there was an adventurer. The best of his time! He had no fear, and traveled all around the land of Haypi. But most of his adventures were on the sea! He had tons of submarines, trading ships, and most importantly, 8 relics. There wasn't anything like these relics all throughout the beautiful land of Haypi. But as time progressed, the man aged. This adventurer was growing to old for his epic adventures into the dark seabed of the harsh Haypi waters.

Hundreds of years later, in the ruins of the Haypi Castle, a diary was found. It also had an unread letter bathed in dust. It read this : On his death bed, he held my hand. He told me that everything anyone needed to know was in his will. Being a stressed woman, I read the will as he lay dying slowly. It read this

just make the "Hundreds of years later etc" a different paragraph so it makes it easier to read and understand .

Rate on a scale from 1-10 please ^_^

I love the letter it makes it very personal and kinda intrigues u and makes u want to go out on this quest. The back story isnt bad either, great job on the rewrite I would give it an 8

Thx