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Yodac's Haypi Adventure story

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Yodac

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Warlord

Posts: 2271

Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:16 pm

Location: Yodac LLC, Ohio

Post Sun Jan 16, 2011 11:20 pm

Yodac's Haypi Adventure story

There was a beautiful city. The city had some of the most gorgeous women, and the most handsome men. That city was the center of trade, and beauty, and was the envy of the world. the name of the city was Vare. Even now, the city is beautiful. The most valuable gems, rubies, diamonds, and emeralds were all embedded into everything. A gold bar was the lowest form of currency allowed into Vare. The legend says that you even get gold just for entering Vare. Boy, what you would do to go to that city. The only problem is that that city is gone. It's height of wealth was almost 2000 years ago. So, you make a wish. And you make another. Finally, you make the last wish, and in a crack- you are laying on a beautiful stone floor. A note on the floor in front of you reads,"In order to go home, you must conquer, grow, and control the most powerful empire, in order to gain the secrets to go back to your time."
You stand up, and look at the barren area around you. You brush the dust off your clothes, and take a step forward on to your new destiny...
http://www.yodac.net

Yodac wrote:People would be more interested in life, if life gave more interest in them

FOR SUPPORT: Ask me a Q.

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Vayneglory wrote: Post count doesn't matter, quit bragging about it
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Wowzwar

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Posts: 11

Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:19 pm

Post Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:20 pm

Re: Yodac's Haypi Adventure story

Good, but i personally think it should connect to a sailor at sea.....
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Yodac

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Warlord

Posts: 2271

Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2010 9:16 pm

Location: Yodac LLC, Ohio

Post Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:26 pm

Re: Yodac's Haypi Adventure story

yah. i realized that after i wrote it. this ones bad. im making another
http://www.yodac.net

Yodac wrote:People would be more interested in life, if life gave more interest in them

FOR SUPPORT: Ask me a Q.

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Vayneglory wrote: Post count doesn't matter, quit bragging about it
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Danerys

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Beginner

Posts: 49

Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2010 2:22 pm

Post Mon Jan 17, 2011 10:40 pm

Re: Yodac's Haypi Adventure story

Hmm, I like most of it. The only thing missing is the book, lol! Feels a bit "MYST"-like to me. I wonder if there are 2 brothers.....okay now I am showing my age, lol!

Edit again, and add some beautiful details in the style of George R. R. Martin. Now THAT guy can write. He could be your inspiration.

Okay, we are going to need:
quests
lands
costumes
locations (like dining hall, Yodac's castle, etc...)
villians
sorcery
how about mood music?

There, I think we've got the foundation! Keep it up Yodac, you've got a great start!
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